Silas, Adrian, Cody & Marissa Waldner grew up on Hutterite Colonies in Manitoba, Canada, and were very devout in their faith but, in this interview, they discuss with Michael Penfold how they had no peace or joy in their souls. Why didn’t confession to the Colony preacher relieve the burden? Why didn’t baptism and communion fill them with joy? Why did they have so many struggles? Watch their fascinating stories and learn where the assurance of salvation comes from.
Recorded in Manitoba, Canada, 24th Feb 2026
Complete Series:
- We Were Raised Mennonite – Kyle, Tyler and Margaret
- We Were Very Religious Hutterites – Silas, Adrian, Cody and Marissa
- Calvinist and Reformed – Hendrik, Kelsey, Leanne and Hendrik
Further resources:
Eternal security | Mervyn Hall
Knowing for Sure You Are Saved | Michael Penfold
The Assurance of Salvation | Michael Penfold
The Sacrifice that Satisfies | Michael Penfold
5 Poems About the Assurance of Salvation
How Do You Know You Are Saved? | Michael Penfold
The Remarkable Conversion of W.W. Fereday
Are You Saved? | Michael Penfold
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Full video transcript:
f you try your absolute best until you’re in the grave, God just might accept you on Judgment Day. And that’s the mindset I had. I was actually still drinking quite heavily. And I was pleading with God multiple times a day, multiple times too, because I felt so chained. And I got saved right there. So where were you at that point? To be honest, I was actually behind a building and we were smoking a cigarette, to be honest. Oh, so wonderful. I remember sitting there crying tears of joy. I’m like, I finally, I found him. Yeah, he found you. Or he found me. Yes, that’s right. Silas, Adrian, Cody, Marissa, welcome to the Gospel Hall Audio Podcast. Hello. Thank you.
This is our second Hutterite episode today. And in the first one, we already did the whole history, the Reformation, Russia. We did the whole story and we learned what it’s like on a colony. We’ve done that whole thing. So if anybody wants to view or listen, I’m going to put that in the description below. They can watch the history. So what we’re going to do today is just add on four more stories of people who came to Christ from that background. And I know you guys were all on the same colony. Is that right? Yes. Yeah. So we’re filming here in south of Manitoba.
So you’re all raised on a Hutterite colony not far from here. So let’s just get right into the right into the meat of it. So you you two were saved before Adrian and Silas. So so Let’s just get straight into it. You were raised in this religious Hutterite community.
Why were you not just happy to stay there forever? What started you searching for more? Well, initially for me, I guess, just to clarify for the audience, it is my wife. Yeah, yeah. So before we got married, I was quite a religious Hutterite and I always tried my best to do what the religious system required of me, but I was never at peace with my sin. What I had been taught all my life, what would bring me forgiveness, it just never sat right with me. I guess. I never felt forgiven. I never felt peace.
So in the Hathorite community, they teach you that you’re a sinner? Yes, they would. Absolutely, yes. Which is obviously biblical, and that’s what you believe. But they’re not giving you a solution to that? Is that what you’re saying? They don’t give the biblical solution, I guess, from where I was from.
The solution that we would generally get is, basically, you do good. And basically the good should outweigh the bad. And if you do sin, you have to go to the priest or the preacher to confess. And they would teach that without confession, there is no forgiveness.
Okay. And this is like once a year we heard, was it? Is that right? It’s once a year for those that are sprinkled or baptized. But for me, even before I was like sprinkled, we would confess before baptism for sprinkling. And I remember going through that and I was very thorough with my confession. I remember very well.
And I remember a couple days later, I did not feel any different. I was like, I did not, I felt burdened by my sin. And I remember thinking there must be more, there must be something I am missing, like personally I thought I must be doing something wrong, I’m missing something. So this was just like a feeling you had? That was just, yeah. An intuition? I think it was my conscience, it was my conscience.
I was convicted of my sin, greatly convicted. And anyway, That was, yeah, going through the Hutterite baptism, and then, I remember not feeling, not sitting right with me, and then going through that, got married to my wife, and very religious, yeah, still thinking I was just missing something, but never thinking that the Hutterite system might be not teaching me what the Bible teaches. So you had total trust in the Hutterite system. I had 100% trust, yes. But you didn’t have peace from your sins, but you didn’t blame the system, you blamed yourself.
Yes, that’s correct, yes. And anyway, we got married and my wife wasn’t as religious as I was, so I would religiously read my Bible like every morning, rarely missed. German Bible. German Bible, that’s right, yeah. we were taught that we should shy away from any other language in the German. So that’s what I did. I was, this is good, all right. And I stuck to the German and read and really not fully, clearly understanding what I was reading, but still trying.
So what did you think of him reading his Bible every day? I knew that before we got married, that he was reading it every day. And at the time, I wasn’t saved yet, but I knew there was something I was missing and I would find it in Christ. I knew that. And after we got married, when I saw him reading his German Bible every day, We did have to debate that for him to see that you could find the truth in the English language.
Oh, so you tried to encourage him to read the English Bible? Yes. Because I was reading… Oh no, I absolutely despised the idea of it, yes. You can only read the Bible in German. Yeah, I was just, well, that’s the way I’ve been taught and it must be right. That was my mindset. I was fully committed to what I had been taught.
But we don’t use the German language, we don’t speak it at all, so we didn’t understand it very well. Just to clarify, the Holorite dialect is a mixture of Low German and English, and what we read was the Luther’s translation of German, so the High German, so you really Which is a good translation, but you couldn’t really understand it very well. Not the way that I could understand the English, because just going back from how we were raised, we would spend, I don’t know, we would spend six or seven hours a day in English school and maybe two hours a day in German school. So I obviously understood English better, but I still never read it because I was taught not to. So when you were reading the German Bible, you never really got to the truth? Oh, no, no. And then did you switch to the English Bible?
Well, when we were having these debates, me and my wife, after we got married, it was shortly after we got married, maybe a month after we got married. We also had debates about religious things, of what the system teaches. I was convinced that you must go confess to the preacher to be forgiven. And my wife was like, I don’t think that is biblical. And she told me, if you find it in the scriptures, well, you let me know and you show me. And stubborn as I was, I was like, I’ll find it and I’ll show it to you. went on looking, searching in the German, and I’m like, hey, I’m really not understanding what I’m reading. I think I should take my wife’s advice and maybe read some English.
So I started reading English and I was looking for this that I have to confess to a priest and whatever, and I found the opposite. I found that that there is only one mediator between God and man, and man Christ Jesus. And I’m like, inside of me, never telling her yet, I was like, I think my wife’s right here.
Let’s just say for the benefit of viewers, that’s in 1 Timothy 2, verse 5. Yes. The Bible says there’s one mediator, because it was mentioned in a previous episode today. That’s obviously a key verse. Absolutely. It was. Yes, it was. For me, it was the… It convinced me.
So that’s in the German Bible, it’s in the English Bible, it’s in the Catholic Bible, Protestant Bible, 1 Timothy 2 verse 5. Yeah, I remember reading in the English, I’m like, man, I’ve never seen this before, and I’ve religiously read my Bible since I can read almost. I remember switching back to my German reading, I’m like, man, they take my dictionary, looking up the words, and it says the exact same thing.
So that was like the first hole in the system. It was for me, yes. It was the first time in my life that I thought, what they teach me is not the truth. That was the first time. And that just led me to, then I just started reading my English entirely, basically put the German aside because I was like, okay, I understand what I’m reading now. And I just, one thing after another, just made more sense.
Yeah. So as you were reading the English Bible, obviously a lot of it is just like narratives and stories and whatever, but in the New Testament you’re going to be coming across whole passages about the forgiveness of sins, how to be right with God. So when you came across those, how did that Well, I’ll never forget when I came across Ephesians 2, 8 and 9.
Wow. I’m like, man, this is so clear. I can’t, I remember sitting there, like, I don’t believe I’ve never seen this before. Like, it is so clear that, that… Go ahead. That we’re, the scripture says it, we are, we are saved. Because on one of the previous episodes, somebody quoted that verse as well.
I can’t remember who it was. So this is obviously a very powerful verse for people from these pagans too. For by grace you say through faith, not of yourselves, it’s a gift to God, not of works, lest any man should boast. So that really, not you for six. When it said there, not of works, lest any man should boast, that was like, that was for me, it was. So what did you interpret not of works to mean? But that was after we had, at the time, we had watched this documentary. And that had a very clear gospel, and both of us had never heard the gospel before. So what was the documentary called?
The American Gospel. Okay, so if anybody wants to watch it, it’s a good documentary. It has the gospel. Her point of the documentary is, that whoever created it, they were exposing the American gospel. Oh, okay, right, yeah. The health and wealth gospel. Yes, exactly. But in it, they clearly teach the true gospel. They take it apart.
And I remember watching it, and I’m like, this is so clear. It is, as the scriptures say, we are saved through faith, And it is not of ourselves. It’s like, man, I’ve been working at this all my life, trying to work my way to heaven, and yet the scriptures teach the opposite. And I remember in the meantime coming across Romans 3. That was so clear to me. That was basically the two, I’d say the two main ones at the time. It was Romans 3 and 23.
For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God. Verse 24, being justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus. I remember, I’ll never forget reading it and clearly seeing it because I had never fully understood it in the German. I remember at that time seeing that my sin has fully separated me from God and there is nothing in myself that I can do to fix that gap or that relationship problem.
Not by works. Not by works. It clearly says not by works. I remember panicking. I’m like, what do I do? It clearly says being justified freely by His grace. Freely. Yes. I didn’t understand it still with these works. mindset burned into my mind. I took it as a work. I’m like, I must be like, I kind of turn it into a work. And it didn’t work out well.
So why do you think we do that as human beings? Why do you think even as religious human beings, why do we always default to, there’s something I must do? It doesn’t matter whether it’s, I’ve been saying, the Hutterites, Mennonites, it’s actually no different to the Orthodox or to the Catholics or to the Protestants. It’s like there’s this universal desire to do something.
Now I grew up hearing the opposite. I grew up hearing the gospel, And it always fascinates me to hear someone like you reading this verse that I knew from this high, but to you it’s like, bang! It’s like, this is the opposite of what I’ve been taught.
Yeah, it basically shattered everything that I had believed in. I was fully persuaded all my life. It shattered it within, I don’t know, there was a couple of weeks there. It just shattered everything. So religion shattered by the Bible. How ironic is that? You’re brought up in a religious community, but the Bible just shatters what you’ve always believed.
So you then thought, right, salvation is going to be by believing. So you started trying to believe, is that right? Yes, that’s right. I remember countless times praying, getting on my knees and pleading, like, I believe that Jesus died for me on the cross, I believe that I’ve been forgiven through what he has done, but it just…
I was trying to… I turned it into a work and I was not… I thought this… me pleading was what was going to save me, and it didn’t. So you’re trying to impress God that you believe up to the 100% level, and he then rewards you with salvation. Yes, that was basically my mindset.
I remember going back a couple of times and re-watching that document. I’m like, I must be, I’m still missing something. I’m re-watching. I don’t know how many- You’re missing someone. Yeah, someone. I remember watching it countless times and it just, I’m like, I’m not getting it.
I knew it was the truth. I was fully convinced. I’m like, this is the way. This is the only way that I will be forgiven. This is the only way that I will ever be made right with God was with what Christ has done for me. So what did you think of him while he was going through this? At that time I was in such a state myself of trying to get saved, I wasn’t even aware.
Well let’s have a little bit of that before we get to the crunch point. So did his interest spark your interest? I will say before we got married, I was already searching, but from a little background on me, I grew up in a different colony. It was not quite as traditional as his, but still in all the core principles it was. And from a very young age, I didn’t turn religious like he did.
I instead became very rebellious, and I started drinking at the age of 14, and that ended up being the biggest thing that I couldn’t quit until I got saved. So you drank for several years? Yes. Big, heavy drinking? every day. And so, and I did try stopping multiple times. I never could. And when I started again, it was worse than before.
And So on the colony, when you get close to the age where you’ll marry or you have someone to marry, you usually get sprinkled, baptized. And at that time, I thought, okay, I’m going to give this my all and clean up my life, and then I’ll be good. And I did. I stopped drinking, I stopped partying, I stopped all that, like I was consuming a lot of secular movies and stuff that’s strongly forbidden on the colony. And I quit all of it, all the things I was doing. But as the weeks- So you turned religious.
Very, yes. And as the weeks passed, it’s a six-week process. I just got more and more like where I was reading my Bible and praying and This is the six weeks process leading up to baptism. During that time I got more and more, like all day I was praying multiple times a day and trying to love others and do good to as many people as I could. And then I got baptized, I confessed all my sins, all of them and made a clean slate. To the preacher. Yes. And I thought that this would, I will now have a clean slate and going forward it’ll be, I’ll be right with God, I’ll have peace.
And very gradually afterward, I fell back into every single sin. That was the same with me. Much stronger. Which must be so disillusioning. It is. It’s so hard because you think you have this figured out, you think you’re right with God, but then shortly after you’re like, Nothing has changed. Not a thing has changed. I’m still the same. Except you’re all over confirmed that you cannot be. You’re a sinner. You are a sinner.
And then we got married maybe a year and a bit later. And after I got married, I desired to become a mom and be a good wife, but I was actually still drinking quite heavily. And this did not fit into me what a godly mother or wife should, and it became my biggest thing that I wanted out of my life, but I couldn’t stop. Every day I would drink again. it, and I was pleading with God multiple times a day, multiple times too, because I felt so chained. And so, like with my husband, we watched a documentary.
Yeah. It took her some time to convince me to sit down and watch because I was so religious. I’m like, I don’t need this. All I need is my German Bible. It’s all in here. Whatever. Yeah, it did spark some arguments quite a bit. He tried to make me remove this thing from the house. It was just an old tablet and we were watching on them and we’re not allowed to have them. That was my problem with it. To remove the iPad? Yeah, because the religious system would say, well, keep this out, you’re not supposed to have it.
I was trying to enforce this, but later I was so desperate for truth, I’m like, maybe this will give me something, let’s sit down and watch it. That took some time. And that documentary gave us both hope. The first glimmer of light for me, for sure. Because at that time we were both very hopeless. We were both wanting peace desperately, desperately, but we didn’t know where to find it. And I think watching this, we heard the gospel for the first time ever. That was the first time for me ever. Which is great. So you heard it clearly for the first time, but you didn’t get saved straight away?
No, I didn’t. No. Because then you try to work up, they told you to believe, all you need to do is believe, so you turn that into a whole process. I did, yes. A couple of weeks went by there, maybe, I don’t know, maybe two or three weeks. Yeah, it was about three weeks.
One evening, sitting in our living room, I was completely at the end of myself. I’m like, I remember telling myself, pleading with God, I guess I’m just going to have to go to hell because I’m not getting this. It’s just not coming to me of disbelieving. I can’t believe. enough or something, what was I thinking anyway?
And I remember I had basically given up, and I think that’s where the Lord wanted me at that point. And I remember sitting there just, at the end of myself, picking up that same tablet where we had watched that documentary, and there was a couple of other messages and whatever on and I remember just randomly scrolling through them and yeah I just watched this maybe this left so this is like a youtube thing it’s uh it was actually just some videos a friend had given me oh okay yeah right so she was I believe a christian at that time and she passed them on to me okay anyway and I started watching this it was a sermon on the Good Samaritan of all things. I remember turning it on and I’m like, man, I’ve heard this too many times interpreted the religious way, like that I am supposed to be this Good Samaritan, I have to do this, this, that, and I’m like, man, I can’t take it. I remember watching it, I’m like, I remember pretty much breaking down, I’m like, Lord, I cannot be this good Samaritan. I can’t do this. It was still these works, it was still, it was just burned into my whole system.
Anyway, I remember the preacher going on, he on purpose would interpret it religiously, and then he flipped. He’s like, this is what religious would interpret it as, but now let’s flip and let’s interpret it the way the Bible wants it to be interpreted. And he, it’s Luke 10. I just flipped through it. It’s a well-known story, I mean. Yeah, it’s a well-known story, but all I’ve ever heard it interpreted was as that I have to be this good Samaritan, this is something that I have to do.
Anyway, as he goes on with his interpreting this, he went on and said that actually you, it was like he was speaking straight to my soul, you are this man lying beside the road, you are on the verge, you’re on the edge of eternity because of your sin. As it says, it says, verse 30 of chapter 10. And Jesus answering said, a certain man went down from Jerusalem to Jericho and fell among thieves, which stripped him of his raiment and wounded him and departed, leaving him half dead. I saw that it was just like the Holy Spirit, like just.
So you were a good Samaritan. You were the half dead man on the road. Yes, I was no longer a good Samaritan. And I saw myself, this is what my sin has done for me. I am lying there. wounded, half dead because of my sin, not in any way can I do anything to get myself out of this situation. And then the Levite comes along in verse 32, just passes by. I saw that this is religion. It can do nothing for me. I remember, I’m like, it actually can’t. It can do nothing to save me. Because I had come to that conclusion already.
And then the, It’s the Levite and the priest, and then the Good Samaritan comes along, and he sees me, he has compassion on me, and I saw that instantly, this is what the Lord did for me. He saw me in my deepest need, and he had compassion on me, and it says, as it says, and went to him, to me, I saw it, and bound up his wounds, pouring in oil and wine, the wounds as my sin, I saw it clearly, pouring in oil and wine, I saw that this is what he did for me on the cross. He paid for my sins on the cross, I saw it, it was just like, It was as clear as day, right there, in a second.
I’m like, He did everything. That’s what the Holy Spirit does, right? He just opens your eyes. Yeah, it was like, I came to the realization there is nothing in myself that I can do. I’m dead in trespasses and sins. So you were saved right then? Right there, I was saved, yes.
I understood. Through the tablet? Yeah. Yes. I understood what Romans 3 meant with For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. I saw it clearly. I understood Ephesians 2, man, 2 and 8 and 9, that I’ve been saved by grace through faith. I remember sitting there crying tears of joy. I’m like, I finally, I found him. I was like thinking, I already found me.
Yes, that’s right. Wasn’t there a thing about, in that, where it says about, I will take care of him? Oh, yes, yes. That was another, it was right there. As he went on, the preacher interpreting this, Where is it here? I think it’s verse 35. And on the morrow, when he departed, he took out… Oh no, sorry, it’s verse 34.
And went to him and bound up his wounds, pouring in oil and wine, and set him on his own beast and brought him to the inn and took care of him. And on the morrow, when he departed, he took out two pens and gave them to the host and said unto him, take care of him, and whatsoever thou spendest more, when I come again, I will repay thee.
At the time, right there, I saw that as He did it all. There is nothing I can do after I’m saved. He still, he did it all. There’s nothing that I can add. My sins have been taken care of past, present, and future. I just, the Lord just- Whatever he needs, I’ll take care of it.
Yes, that’s what I saw it as, and I- So were you in the living room at this time? No. No. Oh, right. So when did you find out what had happened? Two days. It did. Two days later. You didn’t tell her straight away. No, I didn’t. I got saved the next morning. Wow. So you didn’t even know he got saved and you got saved the next morning. No, we were both very much on our own. I knew he wasn’t wanting it as much as I was because we would discuss it together, we would watch things together and read, but we both didn’t know what it exactly was we were searching for. And then, so at the time, I was also at the end of myself very much. But I was trying to get it by pleading to God, and multiple times a day I would be pleading and going into my room by myself and praying.
And just wanting to be released from these chains. And I watched this American Gospel documentary also a few times, and the top, and one of the things that stuck out to me was the most, was how complete Christ’s sacrifice was. Oh yes, oh yes. I did fall in while I was a sinner, that there was no hope for me, but this really stood out for me.
And then one, I remember this one morning, I went into my room once again to plead with God and nothing came, like no pleading came, I was just done, and like I had nothing, I had nothing left. And just like, it just came into my mind how Christ on the cross, he said, it is finished. And that he finished it completely, there was nothing I could, I can’t do. And my understanding was very simple at the time, but I left that room feeling 50 pounds lighter. Like all the weight of the… That was changed. So when you read It Is Finished, you were thinking that what’s needed to get me to heaven, the sacrifice of Jesus has totally taken care of it. He’s done everything.
There’s nothing left for me to do except to receive it. And I received it right there. And I knew whatever would follow, it’ll be okay. Because I knew that he had died for me personally. And so that, so after that, whenever I read my Bible, it was alive. It was alive to me. I couldn’t get enough.
And we learned more and more about how secure we were in him. Oh yes, because in the utter right system you never know for sure. You can never know. So how did you know for sure then? I, shortly after we were very blessed to meet with believers from my side of the family, and they shared, when we were sharing with them how we got saved, and then we all just had, we talked of Christ a lot, and they shared certain scriptures that really helped us understand how secure we were in Him.
No condemnation to those that are in Christ Jesus. Yes, that’s right. So how did you, before we get on to Adrian and Silas, how did you find out that you both got saved? That must have been very interesting. I remember, I just remember the next morning, I’ll never forget walking out of the house. I felt like, I felt like a brand new man. You were. Truly, I was. I felt so, I felt, the peace I felt is indescribable. peace that passes understanding. But how did you even know to tell each other you were saved?
Yeah, to be honest with you, for me, my wife had this little bit of knowledge about that it’s all about Christ, but she didn’t fully. So I was like, after I got saved, I’m like, I’m not sure if she has. I remember thinking that. She’s checking her out. But then all of a sudden, the next following days, she doesn’t say the same stuff she used to say. I think she understands it now. I think we just came to the conclusion, as we were studying the Bible together, we were talking about how incredible what Christ has done for us in real life. I think we both have it. I actually never went to my wife and said, you know, I got saved last night. No, but you see, that’s the beauty of it. Yeah.
When you have Christ, that’s what you’re taken up with, and what He has done. And you’re just appreciating not something that you’ve done or how much you believed. Now you’re just appreciating, we have this Saviour, and He’s done everything for us. And it’s just like, wow. I remember every morning, every noon, evening, we just sat and marveled at what Christ had done. Every time we were together afterwards, our Bible was in our hands. Yeah, we devoured the scriptures after that point. It was good times.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. For sure. So then eventually, I guess you left the colony and… Well, we shared it. Cody shared it with… With friends and family. Oh, okay. Well, let’s shift over to the left here then. So you saw this happen? You saw the change? He did, but I didn’t. I was in a different world. So you’re brothers? Yeah. Okay. So is your stories interlinked or is it totally separate?
He did share the gospel with me, even though he wasn’t saved yet. But he showed me scripture from the word of God to show it’s true, that we’ve been teached wrong all our lives. Were you also searching in a way, or was it like, oh, these guys have gone crazy? My cousin or my friend here, he’s got born-again religion. Where were you at that same point?
From a very young age, we were very close friends and we did everything together, like played together or whatever, oftentimes even had the same job a couple of times and worked together. So we did have lots of things in common and shared our feelings with each other all the time, the things that we struggled with.
And I was very much like Cody, like a very, very religious Hutterite, like I was. I was always like burdened to please everybody like as much as possible for some reason it’s you know that was always with me and like follow all the rules as best as possible I could like so that obviously I’ll be on God’s good side then and that’s what was being taught to me, and if you try your absolute best until you’re in the grave, God just might accept you on Judgment Day. And that’s the mindset I had, like, get up every morning, do what I have to, and do it the best I can. And you were just deadly sincere in all of that. A hundred percent, yeah.
I guess as you grow older and around the age of, it varies a bit, but around the age of 20, 20 to 25, you should other or younger people or even other people should be able to look at you and say, he’s a good, he’s a good Holorite. And in a time of, we baptized together too, we’re sprinkled. Oh, right.
We went to that together. At the same time and Even at that time, I was just extra burdened because I knew how serious it was at the time. I remember us sharing our feelings together on that one. We were so burdened by our sin. We were like, man, it was stressful. It was a very pivotal point in my life at that time. And you were looking to this baptism as the cure-all for your problems?
Yes, and it would… Heart of Rites would teach you that it is the born-again experience because you confess all your sin, turn over a new leaf, and try even harder than before. And yeah, even to confess our sins to a preacher, whatever I could remember from the youngest age I was, as young as I could remember, whatever sin or transgression I ever committed, brought it all to the preacher. It reminds me of Martin Luther.
Oh yeah. He used to confess all the time because he was so burned. I went back three times. I was so burned I went back three times. You confessed three times? Yeah, well I’m like, I forgot this and I think I should go back because I wanted to be right.
I took it very seriously. Yeah, well, I guess if you believe that salvation is through confession, then if you’ve missed one, you need to go and clear it up. They really say that. That’s what Martin Luther taught. If you miss one, you could be guilty of the lot of… Oh, must be dreadful to have that burden all the time.
Yeah, and that’s what, yeah, I guess, and after we did get sprinkled, I was, I thought I thought I had peace with God for maybe a day or so because after, I guess, confessing everything, it was just a stress I had, I guess. A sense of relief. Yes, a sense of relief. So you’ve gone through this catharsis, you’ve done it, it’s like, phew. Yes. So you feel like the burden’s gone, but then 24 hours is back.
Yeah, and before my baptism and after, I still, I knew back in my mind, bottom of my heart, I knew I was not on good terms with God. I knew that, very clearly, I knew, I didn’t need much convincing that I was a sinner. Like, I knew it. I just saw an imperfection in myself on a daily basis. and that’s so we go ahead about a year or so and then yeah it’s just things I guess went worse and just always looking and searching for something and can’t quite exactly put my finger on what it was just and I still remember you coming to the garage one day and we’re discussing all of this. I was newly, I was just saved a couple of days at that point.
So you’re an electrician, is that right? I was, yeah. And you were working in the same… Kind of under the same roof. What were you doing at the time? Like, I guess… Grandfarm. Grandfarm, yeah. Okay. But you would see each other multiple times a day? Oh yes, we still work together like during some of like harvests, eating, we still work together. So… Okay.
And I still remember he asked me a bunch of questions and looking back, he obviously just wanted to feel me out and see my reaction, what I would say and I poured my heart out. I just right away said there, there has to be, there is something wrong. There is something wrong because I just, I struggle on a daily basis and I know there’s something between me and God that’s keeping me from coming to Him. And we, yeah, I’m not sure.
I think you must have brought it up. Maybe we should look. to see what the Word of God says, to look into the Bible, what the Bible says. And you were already saved. Yes, I was freshly saved. Maybe we should look at the Bible. I wasn’t sure how to go about it, so I was very cautious. Maybe we should get the big guns out. And I agreed right away. I said, let’s go.
And just a few days before this, actually, one of my other friends asked me in a bin bottom, we cleaned a bin bottom out. Yes. And he asked me, Adrian, if you were going to be in heaven one day, what will the reason be? He said, no, it was someone else. Oh, somebody else. Okay. And I just fired away one thing after another. Basically, whatever I will accomplish, that is, that’s the reason going to be.
And he was quiet for a bit. And then he said, Adrian, the only reason you’re ever going to be in heaven is because of the righteousness of Christ. And I didn’t know what to say. Did you know what that meant? No, I didn’t. And that’s where everything was left. He didn’t say another word. I didn’t say another word. And it made me to think and it kept me thinking. And then that was a day or two later we had this discussion.
And yeah, at that point, I remember after that meeting we had, I invited you over, I don’t know, maybe once a week to just have Bible studies and talk about the scriptures because we were, I was newly saved and I could tell Aaron was really interested and burdened and we ended up having Bible studies once a week. If not more at the start. Yeah, it was probably twice a week, two sometimes. Just the three of you? It was one more. There was another friend every time.
And so we started having the Bible study, and I still remember the first one. Cody, he shared to me, he showed me, even though I didn’t much convince him, but he still showed me in Isaiah 64, six, the verse. And you had no problem reading the English Bible? Oh no, he was fine. Yeah, I was totally fine with it for some reason, yeah.
And Isaiah 64, 6, and it reads like this. But we are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are as filthy rags. And we all do fade as a leaf, and our iniquities like the wind have taken us away. the bestest things and bestest deeds that we could ever do are as filthy rags before a holy, righteous, and just God. So, you know, I believed it right away. I still remember we went to Romans as well.
So you weren’t offended by that? Not at all. Because that would offend most people, right? Oh, yes. It would have offended me a year prior, you know, maybe a little bit, but not as much. Not saying the sins that you’ve done are bad. Yes. That’s as it’s taken. But to actually say the best things you can do don’t count. Yes, that would have been offensive, yes. But that’s what the Bible teaches, so. It does.
Go ahead, sorry, Romans. Yeah, we also went to Romans and there’s a few verses here that that by our good deeds or by trying to earn God’s good favor or be on God’s good side, trying to follow rules, the law, there is no way it’s possible. What’s the verse? Read the verse. Therefore by the deeds of the law shall no flesh be justified in his sight. So that’s Romans 3 verse 20.
For by the law is the knowledge of sin. If you look to the law, oh wow, I am guilty before God. there’s a problem and for the law you mean the ten commandments yes so it’s not a ladder to heaven it’s a mirror to show you your sin yes yes this is what you discovered yeah yeah what a shock and so like i said i i didn’t have to convince him much there i believed it right away and then all this i saw i saw my state before god or my standing and then he showed me that christ died for me This is Cody. Yes. In the Bible.
He has to show me that Christ died for me because Christ died for my sins. But did you not know that already? I knew that Christ died for sins, but not personally. I didn’t know it on a personal level. Like it was. You didn’t really know you were a sinner before, I guess. Yeah, I didn’t know I was a sinner, but the word of God assured me. There was not even a shadow of a doubt after I saw it. I think both of us, we didn’t know the extent of our sin.
We didn’t know that our sin fully separated us from a holy and righteous and just God, that we could not We thought that we could clean it up a bit and then it would be… And then we’d be back in a good relationship and we could start working our way to heaven again. That was kind of the mindset. Yeah, I think most people are like that.
They think sin is just a few bad things that you do. But when you really find out what the Bible says, you actually find out you have a nature of sin inside you. So the little things that you remember, that’s just the fruit on the tree, and the tree is this corrupt tree, and even the very best that it produces is no good to actually advance you towards God. So he then explained to you that Christ died for you, so did you get saved immediately you heard that? No, I didn’t. Actually, I believed it right away and believed it. And it’s the only way to be saved. It’s through Jesus Christ. And I saw that salvation is a free gift. What did you want to say? I was just wanting to say, but you didn’t seem to be taking it personally. Yeah, I didn’t. I didn’t. I was, yeah, that’s right.
It says being justified freely. Salvation is a free gift. Ephesians 2.8 and 9 too. For by grace are you saved through faith and not of yourself. It is the gift of God. It’s a free gift.
And I did struggle for like half a year after. It was a battle. I continuously struggled with, am I trusting enough? Am I having enough faith? Am I repenting enough? I was struggling a lot. I was overcomplicating it. So did you see this going on? I knew that he wasn’t saved and that he wanted to be saved, but I, yeah, so that’s what I saw. He wasn’t sharing all this with you. No, but also… Aidan was my role model all my life, like since I’ve been a little boy he was my role model because he was this really good hollerite. He’s older than you too? Yeah, he’s very, like… Oldest brother of the four of you? Eight or nine years older. Okay. So you thought he was very good, very religious, you want to be like him? Oh, I thought he was like, he was my idol basically. Everything he did I wanted to do.
So, and I saw him starting to be burdened and struggling when prior to his sprinkling. I saw it happening to him and I wondered to myself, when am I going to get my older brother back? Because that’s how much he changed. Like he was always, almost looked completely drained, like energy and like, I just saw it as a young, 14-year-old. He was far too serious for you. Yeah, well, too serious. And I also noticed that he doesn’t have as much life as he used to because he was really burdened with sprinkling and with bettering his life and trying to make himself right before God.
So this six months went by and it’s a continuous struggle the whole time. He must have been exhausted. Yeah. I still remember. Cody sitting me down a few times and asking me, well, Aaron, are you saved already? I said, I’m not sure. I don’t know. And he went to the Bible. He read a few verses and said, do you believe this? Whatever verses he read, do you believe that the Lord Jesus Christ died for you at Calvary? I said, yes. And then there was still, I’m not sure, still something. I believe it, but I can’t say I’m saved. Yes, right. Yeah. So then how did that all come to a head?
So I still remember him coming to where I was working a couple times, and he wished that Jesus Christ would come already, like come back. The rapture, waiting for the rapture, yeah. And after he would leave the shop again, I would always say to our other friend, well, I’m not ready. I am not ready. I know that, and I hope he’s not coming back yet. And I still remember the one time he came in and did the same. I take it he did it on purpose. I did, yeah.
And then after he left again, I said, well, I don’t know what I’m going to do. I said, I’m not ready. I know I’m not. And then my other friend would say, said to me, Adrian, if you desire to be saved, if you want to be saved, Jesus Christ won’t come till you’re saved.
And then I was like, okay. And then I still remember I went for a walk. just for a short little walk. And on my way back, I just literally, it clicked. I realized simply trusting, just resting in the fact that Christ died for me. The work is done. It is finished. He cried on the cross. Just belief, trusting Him. And right there, quickened, made alive. Amen. It is finished, keeps coming up, eh? John chapter 19 verse 30. Because you can never finish it if you’re working at it. But when you see Christ has already finished it, it’s like the scales fall off your eyes. So we have about 10 to 15 minutes left.
So let’s go finally to Silas. So will you say before, Adrian, or after? Yes, before. Before. So tell us about that. Well, I… I have a much different story than this. I never went through the sprinkling baptism thing. But you didn’t miss anything. Nope.
And so when I was a younger guy, like 12, 13, 14, I was a good little holler. I worked hard wherever the colony asked me to do. I was a pretty diligent worker and I had pride in my work ethic and what I did. And But we had a fairly new German school teacher and he was really good at preaching condemnation on us. He was always trying to kind of fear us into submission, like really preach.
Into salvation or into living a good life? Submission, like submission to him and the rules. Oh, submission. Submission. Sorry, sorry. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. And like he would preach how ugly and evil the devil is. what he’ll do when we go, when we’ll die and go to hell. But I always got this message of condemnation, but never any hope or salvation.
And it took a toll on me. Like, I started getting really troubled a lot of times because I knew, even as a 14-year-old, I’m a sinner, you know? And it started really burdening me. And it did to the point where people around me who knew me quite well asked me, what’s wrong with me? Like, you’re not as enthusiastic as you used to be. You’re not as smiley. You’re not as happy. And I knew what was going on, but I always pretended. I don’t know, I didn’t really know at the time that it was me not being saved or anything because I never heard a gospel. I just knew it that I’m a sinner and I’m not in a good place before God.
And when I turned 15, I started hanging out with, you become a Hutterite adult at 15, and I started hanging out with I guess older guys than me, and they didn’t have a good influence in my life. And I started doing the things they were doing. Like I was without strength. I, whatever, I just went along with the flow kind of thing. And I got into drinking at age 15 and I did it. I was, and I also, I’m not sure when that was, but I also started smoking marijuana. And I got really addicted to it. And the reason, looking back, I addicted myself to it was so much because I was looking for some.
And every time I was sober, There was condemnation and I wasn’t happy with my life and I had no strength to do anything about it. Marijuana was like an escape. Yes, absolutely. And it just got worse and worse to doing it like after supper in the evening, when I was around no one, where no one would see my intoxication. I just started slowly doing it earlier and earlier, you know, in the day. And all of that was just to to take me away from reality, you know, because nothing helped. And I’m not sure if I can explain this really well, but there was absolutely no hope for me.
I had never even heard that Jesus Christ died for me, that He died for my sins. I remember at Easter, my mom used to tell me the crucifixion story. But it was kind of this sad story where the Son of God died on a cross. Evil man nailed Him to a cross and He died. But He did rise again on the third day.
That’s all I knew. And I didn’t know He provided anything for me. And that went on until I was 18, like just got worse and worse. And right about when the gospel, when I heard the gospel the first couple times was like literally the darkest time of my life. It went from just being intoxicated in the evening, I already, I could not live with myself sober. And I hated my life. I hated it. When I was sober, I was usually pretty depressed. And it was not only in the evenings, it was like from morning to night most of the times I would be intoxicated.
So why were you not thinking So you haven’t been catechised and baptised at this stage, why did you not think the answer is just around the corner, I can get baptised and catechised and that will solve the problem? Well, that’s a good question and the reason I didn’t think that way because I was so hopeless, I knew it, I don’t have the strength in myself to clean up my life. I looked at myself as the sinners of sinners and like, I was living the ugliest life and there’s no way I can come back from this. And the fact that I couldn’t live to the standard of the whole right, like whatever, trying your best, being at breakfast every day, being on work on time, doing all that will earn your, you will get right with God. I couldn’t do any of that. I didn’t have the strength. I was too far gone, what I told myself. So there’s no point going for this catechism and all that. It’s just like, I’m not fit for it. Yeah, exactly.
And me and my, I had a very close friend, his name was Troy, and I used to discuss it with him. I sometimes asked him, where do you think you’ll go when you die? And he told me, I think the state I am right now, I’m going to go to hell. And I told him, well, I know I’m going to hell too. And I don’t know what to do about it, what I told him. And that’s the life we lived, like hopeless. We didn’t have any hope.
Their part of the story, when Kurt got saved, he had those discussions with Adrian. Like I said, it was literally the darkest time of my life, and I often think back how incredible the timing of God is. Adrian came home to the house. Sometimes him and my other brother, Clinton, he’s older than me, they had these discussions in their room, kind of with hushed voices, about being born again. And I listened. And I wasn’t in there with them, but I listened.
And they also had said things like, what we have been taught all our lives is wrong. What they preach at churches, it’s not biblical. It does not provide salvation. It does not provide hope for anybody. And at least I was like, what are they saying? Are they crazy? Like they’re questioning the preachers, you know. It’s like blasphemy in the Hutterite colony.
And then it came to the point where Adrian asked him to come into his room. And he started sharing the gospel with me. He told me that we cannot be saved by works, it’s impossible. And then he took me to John chapter 10. And those words stuck in me, well, to this day, but all the way to when I got saved. And if I can find a scripture. Which verse, was it my sheep or my father? It was here, in verse 15.
Oh, okay. It said, as the father knoweth me, even so know I the father, and I lay down my life for the sheep. Oh, yes. And he, like, Christ laid down the life for you, his life for you, and he did it for you. And I already knew I’m a sinner. I didn’t have to get told I’m a sinner. And it goes on. Oh, where’s the verse about? Oh, here then, in verse 28.
And I gave unto them eternal life, it said. And he said, if we believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, he gives us eternal life. You can have eternal life now. And that was unbelievable to me. I can have eternal life? Like, that’s incredible. And they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand.” He kept on reading. And then it says, and once we have received that eternal life, we have the security and we’re in the hand of Christ. My father which gave them to me is greater than all, and no man is able to pluck them out of my father’s hand. And he showed me that, and I was like, okay. I can have eternal life now. And once I have it, I have this security where I’m in Christ and the God of Father’s hand. Like, that’s incredible.
And every word I heard, I shared with my friend, who I was, I guess, we were in the exact same state, knowing that we’re going to hell. And we also, we did everything together. And I shared every word with him at the start. He was really, annoyed why I’m talking about the Bible with him, like it was foreign. But I was incredibly excited.
And another time, my brother Clinton, I was sitting in his room and we were talking about the gospel. We were talking about it’s only about believing. It’s only believing on the Lord Jesus Christ. He’s done it. There’s nothing left for us to do. He’s done everything. He would emphasize.
We were saved by grace and he took me to Ephesians 2, 8 and 9 and very clearly expounded on it. that we’re saved by grace. For by grace are you saved through faith. It’s not of yourselves. It is a gift of God, not by works, lest any man could boast. And he said to me, I remember that, let’s say we could earn ourselves to heaven and God would accept us. We could brag up there. We’re here because we did this, because it says, lest any man should boast. But now we can’t do it. There’s not going to be any bragging in heaven. We’re going to boast in Christ alone.
And I was like, and it made sense to me. I knew that Christ died for my sins. He’s going to give me eternal life when I believe on His name. And I was like, you mean I can literally skip the cleaning up my life part where I don’t have to clean up my life and I couldn’t do it in the first place. He cleans up your life. Amen.
While we were yet without strength, Christ died for us. That’s Romans 5, verse 6. That’s always a part of my coming to Christ. And I shared everything that I heard from my brothers with my friend. There was just one time we were having a discussion. So I knew, like I said, I knew Christ died for my sins. I knew that I’m going to receive eternal life when I believe on His name, and He’s going to hold me secure in His hands.
But I was like, I don’t know how to believe. How do we believe? I thought to myself. And I often thought, I prayed to God, I would love to be born again. I would like to receive that incredible gift, but I don’t know how. I don’t know what to do, is what I prayed. And then there was just one time when we were talking about the gospel with my friend, who was also unsaved at that time, and I was like, but I don’t know how it works. I know it’s true because it’s from the Bible, but I don’t know how it works.
And then it, right there, it clicked. I was like, it’s true Jesus Christ. All answers are found in Him. We find everything in Him. It’s in Christ. We can be saved. It’s true Christ. We can be saved. And I got saved right there. So where were you at that point? In the house? No, to be honest, I was actually behind a building and we were smoking a cigarette, to be honest, in all honesty. We were, I was, I was incredibly excited about the gospel, but that’s where we were. Oh, so wonderful. It’s incredible how willing He is to save sinners. It’s incredible how He, just at a point of where He saves us, where He cut off those addictions.
Like for me, I actually drank a lot as well. And the moment I got saved, I never desired it after that. It was gone and I couldn’t explain it. The only way I could explain it was that I’ve been saved and I am actually born again. Yeah, you’re a new creature. I’m a new creature in Christ. Another pivotal verse. Okay, we’ve probably got like two or three minutes, so that’s fine, you go ahead.
What played a big role in my life too was If we could earn ourselves to heaven, Galatians 2.21, I do not frustrate the grace of God, for if righteousness comes by the law, then Christ is dead in vain. Very good, that was a good one. Can you imagine that?
If we could earn, then Christ died in vain. Yeah, why did he come? Even if we would say, He did this, but we have to do this. He died in vain. It contradicts grace. I mean, if it’s Christ plus something else. I remember, before I got saved, I remember a preacher expounding on that verse, and he was saying that this would be the biggest blunder in the history of the world if Christ would have come and you could save yourself. God clearly saw that you couldn’t save yourself. And so that’s why Christ came.
And that was clear to me as well at one point. Just to add something, I did struggle with doubt for a couple of days. The last time I probably read my Bible, well, he read it to me and my brother, but me personally reading the Bible, probably when I was 12 or so. Or at German school on Sunday, we would read the German Bible. So I started reading the Bible after.
I knew something happened to me. I got a relationship with sin. I started hating my sin. Sometimes I got so convicted of my sin, like corrupt communication, foul language. I started crying on the spot. I was like, What is happening to me? I got this conviction of sin and I had never felt so bad for sinning, like for sure, for swearing, like, how can this be? What’s happening to me?
And then there was one evening I was reading the Word of God. I was reading through the Book of Romans and those specific verses. like hit me for when we were yet without strength in due time, Christ died for ungodly. And I knew what I was ungodly and I knew what I was without strength. And that’s how I, then I got assured right there, like Christ died for me. while we become a new creature, we don’t clean ourselves, then come to Christ.
He saves us in our sin while we’re yet without strength. So it’s not saying you make yourself better, then God saves you because you’ve made yourself better. Now you’ve improved. And he does the final bit. He’s saying when we were unable to do anything, when we were yet without strength, that’s when Christ died for us, and that’s why we needed Christ to die for us. Because we’re not only hopeless, we’re helpless. And it’s the same afterwards. We can’t keep our salvation by works. He keeps us. And if we sin, we have an advocate with the Father, and so on and so forth.
So it just takes that whole, you can’t do works to be saved, you can’t do works to stay saved. It’s not of works, it’s all of Christ. Oh, wonderful, wonderful. We need to wrap up, I’m afraid. But it’s been really, really great having you with us. It’s been good, yeah. We’ve been trying to plan this for a long, long, long time.
And to have Silas, Adrian, Cody, Marissa, and you’re kind of related too, eh, now? Or is it you? One of you married a sister of… I married his sister. You married his sister there. So you’re Waldners. And you’re Hoafers? No, we’re all Waldeners. You’re all Waldeners? I used to be a Hoafer. Oh, you used to be a Hoafer. Well, thank you again for coming. God bless each one of you. Pleasure. Thank you very much.